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[Apr. 2nd, 2004|12:33 am] |
My momma aint doin to good, no sir.
She went to some cold place called Callerado and got some mitey bad frostbite. They had to remove seven of her toes and she dont balance all that great no more. She had ta move in with me for awile til she gets back on her feet. As best as she can anyway.
I put her in one of them weely chairs and tied rope all round my trailor so's she can pull herself along.
She kept fallin out of the chair, so's i had to duck tape her in.
Sometimes after me and ol buzz been drinking, i come home to her eatin krums off the floor cuz she tips over and cant get back up.
Its been a trile, but im sure once she gets them screw on wooden toes in the male everythings gunna be alrite.
whoooeee. |
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| I aint been updatin much, no sir. |
[Mar. 20th, 2004|12:52 pm] |
Me an ol' Buzz were going sewer diving and i accidently drank the dang ol' water. The police said i gots me raideeachun poisining cuz theres a power plant next to it. I don't know what the hell that means but when i turn out the lights at night i glow. They said it should ware off in a few years, but for now i gots to wear one of them night masks cuz it keeps me awake. It shure is pretty though. It really attracts the ladies when I'm in a dark corner at a bar. They say its darn right perdy.
Georgina Ray asked me to baby sit a few of her youngins. We went to the park and we played that game my daddy used to play with me where he'd spin me around real fast and then drive off and leave me to find my way home. It was fun for awhile but I was waitin' all night for them kids to show up. One of them came back but the other four haven't and we played that game about four nights ago.
I think Georgina Ray is a little bit relieved that little Bessy and Billy and Barbina and Bobby are gone. That brings her down to about six kids. She did have fifteen but that dang ol wild boar took out a few of them.
But it dont matter much no more, cuz she just found out shes pregnant with sextuplets. I think two of them might be mine. |
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| Aw man |
[Mar. 8th, 2004|08:20 pm] |
I guess I was wrong bout Susie Ann. I thought we had sumthin special, but I see Bobby Rob been a lot more special then me, since theys two gettin married thursday. Its so dad gum hard to find a nice girl round these parts. I spose its back to the bar again, but not Jimmy's cuz he's a jerkface.
Lucy Lee dun dug a hole in her yard and tried to bury herself again. What a crazy girl she is. Lucky fer her my hound smelled her and dug her up, even if he did take off a finger er two. Id have to think shes down to seven now. I wunder why shes so unhappy. Her hubby don't hit her too hard. |
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| WELL I'LL BE A SQUIRREL'S SISTER!!! |
[Mar. 7th, 2004|11:57 pm] |
Man, that bar is one crazy place, I tell you what! Damn ol Jimmy the barkeep dun made us leave befor closin cuz he say we too loud. Well Ize met me a girl named Susie Ann an she wudn't about to take nothin from Jimmy, so she dun thrown a boot at his likker and spilled it all over the place! O man it shure was funny! Speciully when Susie Ann dun jumped over the bar to ger her boot back. Dad gum that girl's got an arm! I really like her alot, I do. Maybe I'll see bout askin her to marry me in a week or two if we still together ya know? Dern its hard to wait that long for a dad gum pruposel, but I wanna take things real slow and be safe bout it. She's a real bute that girl.
Well some jerk dun moved my sewage hose again and now theres doody all over the lot. I bet its that trouble makin Willy Ferguson and his little pals. Them boys need a good tar n featherin, that's what they need. I guess I'd better go move it then. I've got me a miiiiighty monster brewin in my gut and I shure dont wanna smell er in the mornin, too! YEEEEEEEEE-HAAAAAAAAAAAW!!! |
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| My furgen loosinz |
[Mar. 7th, 2004|03:53 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  horny | ] |
Some crazy came in with a dead rat and told me to stuff it. I told him i don't stuff no dog gun vermin and he told me it aint vermin its his best friend. He had a beraid and kept on callin himself Sue. I told him he don't look like no god damn lady and he said "no. Soo. SOO." and I though maybe he meant "Sue-ee!" like them arkansaz guys yell cuz they gots one of them swine for their maskot, so's i told him i understood and then I said "SUEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" and he got all angry and told me to just stuff Padfoot (thats what he called the vermin) and i told him i mite get them plages cuz thats where them old guys got it from, and he didn't understand what i ment so I called him retarted. Then he stormed out cussin up a storm.
I think he was a hethen.
I don't kno about them hethens but i do kno that Jesus said its against the law to go dance around all sweaty and naked and chantin some crazy stuff like your some kinda crazy monkey. Georgina Ray does that, cept she can't really walk since she weighs so much so she wheels around in her wheelchair on her front lawn and yells at the sky and dog gun tries to make it rain.
She aint gotta husband and she has about 10 kids. I've done her twise.
Buzz and me is gonna go out drinkin tonite. I hope ill meet someone nice. Alls im lookin for is a girl that can support herself. Along with me and 10 of our future babies. And still have time to make us some turkey neck and grilled cheese sandwiches and clean. Mmmmmmhhhmmmmmm |
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| Hiya |
[Mar. 6th, 2004|03:44 pm] |
My names Cris Gros buy my friends call me Red McRockin'.
I deesided to get a cotton pickin' journal so i can keep track of everything cuz' i gots me a half a day memory ever since Buzz hit me in the head with a crow bar.
Im 36 yeers old and i love the ladies but i aint picky bout what i gots cuz i love all of them. Obese or skinny. tall or midget. hairy or bald. beautiful or toothless. it don't matter to me one bit cuz if i squint my left eye really hard they look good cuz i got's me a bad rite eye.
I don't like animals much cuz there always comin up on my poarch and tryin to steal my god damn rickety swing. I don't kno how they get it off but i always find it in the dumpster the next mornin. Thems some smart racoons we got around here god dammit.
I went on a date with this girl named Sally May the other night. She aint got many teeth but she shure is pretty. She likes to get all gussied up for me and it makes me feel good. Like last night she was wearin her snake skin boots and had her hair all up in bows and she was wearin her marmot coat. I could kiss them lizard lips of hers all day if i had the time but im always working. Taxidermy aint all that easy you know. Mmmmhhhmm.
I like stuffing things. Thats why im a taxidermist. When i was a little boy i used to love stuffing turkey and stuffing grocery bags and stuffing the neighbors. Id stuff things with stuffing and cotton and rocks and toilet paper and all sorts of mateereals you get at them artsy crafty stores. Cept stuffing. You cant get stuffing in them stores cuz you cant eet any of their supplies. I tried to eat the glue once but they kicked me out and thretened to call the polees if i tried anything stoopid.
My best friends name is buzz. We rock out together on Sunday nights when i aint stuffing dead cats and chickens. Sometimes we go down to the junk yard and pick up shoes and coats to wear on our dates. There pretty good. Just gots a little bit of rat poop in them when you first put your foot in it but that gets all squished down after awhile.
I also like injuns. And snuggling. And novelty hats.
Thats all for now i gots myself a custimer. I think its ol miss Tompsons dog cuz i shot it last night. |
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confeduretcris's journal